addresing controversy and v-day shenanigans

hey happy hoaxers it's me MC randall jk it's hoax bloke randy (but for real that would be my dj name if i were a dj... honestly i've thought about making a name for myself in the music biz but u have to realize tht while the internet has made it a lot easier to share ur music w/ the world it has also drastically increased the amount of competition for any given artist AND hurt profitability due to the popularity of free streaming services that offer very little ad revenue lol xd)

today i'm going to post about 2 things: adressing some controversy and sharing what the ol randmeister is doing for valentines day

ok first the controversy. as u know, my hoaxes have been gaining worldwide notoriety. but as they say: with all good things comes bad things. and certain ppl have been geting upset with my relentless hoaxing. internet companies have also started to gang up on me bc my revolutionary no-fees-or-subscriptions-necessary blogging format has posed a serius threat 2 their outdated business models. in fact, wikipedia has gone as far as creating an anti-hoax-blokes page in order to get me removed from the internet (and since we are direct competitors, steal my readers).

what im asking u to do is to PLS STOP using wikipedia. everytime u use wikipedia u are supporting anti-competitive business tactics not unlike when pizza hut starting offering wings (cmon guys ur a pizza place leave pf changs alone). this makes me MAD >:( >:( >:( im not even hoaxing u.

ok and 2 end on a lighter note: my plan for valentines day. :) as u know, hoax bloke randy is a bit of what u'd call a ladys man. im average height, awesome personality, and i dont have any severe allergies which means the possibilities for romantic picnics are literally endless. however 4 some wierd reason ive found myself dateless on this awful stupid dumb holiday that NO ONE SHOULD CARE ABOUT. I HATE VALENTINES DAY. haha jk :/

so anyway instead of being bitter (im not bitter ROFL) i have a dank hoax planned. im going to wait until the day AFTER valentines, and then buy all the chocolate for a DISCOUNT. i guess thats just smart shopping but also technically a hoax if u think about it.

i feel like all the hoaxes... theyre just a disguise for my loneliness. i really just want to settle down with a nice girl in the countryside. haha there i go again. cmon randy. u dont need a woman. she wouldnt understand ur complicated hoax-based lifestyle. haha!

new hoax today

haha just kidding... hoaxd! or whatever.....

sry fam, just wasnt feeling it today

merry hoaxmas u little hoaxers

a poem i wrote by hoax bloke randy

'Twas the night before HOAXMAS, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;  
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,  
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;  
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;  
And mamma in her ’kerchief, and I in my cap,  
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap,  
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,  
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,  
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.  
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow  
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,  
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,  
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,  
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.  
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,  
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!  
On, Comet! on, Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!  
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!  
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!”  
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;  
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,  
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St. Nicholas too.  
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof  
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,  
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.  
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,  
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;  
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.  
His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!  
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!  
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow  
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,  
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;  
He had a broad face and a little round belly,  
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.  
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;  
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,  
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;  
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,  
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,  
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;  
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,  
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,  
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy HOAXMAS to all, and to all a good-night.”

hoaxapalooza sweepstakes winners

hey every1 thx 4 all the submissions to the hoaxapalooza sweepstakes!!! if you recall, all you had to do was send me $20 and a pic of a real life hoax 2 be eligible.

we at hoax blokes recieved DOZENS of HUNDREDS of entrys, but unfortunatly, we had to pick just ONE.

here is your winner, folks!:

gee, that was a lot of fun!! major love to all my fans, even the ones that sent me inapropriate images ;-).

congratulations to the winner, who has chosen to remain under the alias The Big Hoax. u have won a two hour skype call with me, hoax bloke Randy (... not to mention major street cred as a GREAT hoaxer!)!.

and as always, i'm still lonely! if ur a cute girl PLS message me haha :-(

BIG APOLOGY

OK STOP SENDING ME ANGRY EMAILS. I AM SORY 4 HOAXING U GUYS. TBF I NEVER SAID I WOULDNT HOAX MY READERS AND EVEN IF I HAD SAID THAT IT WOULDVE BEEN A HOAX. A DOUBLE HOAX IF U WILL

ok pls keep reding my blog!!! im so lonely i need this LOL :-(

anyway pls keep donating 2 my kickstarter every little bit helps!! just google "kickstarter" and u'll find it..

hoax

just kiding

randy's dental fun

randy here with another PERFECT hoax. (ok maybe not perfect but close. lmao its a figure of speech stop sending me emails about it!!)

it was just a normal day on planet hoax (jk im just talkin bout earth but i sometimes say planet hoax cuz my mom always says "randy its like ur on another planet" so i was like "if i had my own planet id call it planet hoax" LOL it's just a inside joke me and my mom have). if u no me, u no that no day is truly normal when randys kickin round. what made this day so special tho is that i had a dentist apointment.

dentists r so easy to hoax cuz they never see it coming. all im sayin is they dont teach em how 2 deal with randy at dentist school. so this guys all up in my mouth like "randy do u even brush ur teeth??" lol no i dont brush my teeth. u get the most value out of the dentist if u dont cuz they charge the same for a cleaning whether ur mouth is literaly sterile or just plain gross.

anyway he finally finishes whatever he's picking at and tells me to rinse. perfect. the hoax is about 2 BEGIN!! i press the button and fill the cup with water. swish it around my mouth like im mad at the water. definitely a good rinse. if i wasn't a hoaxer 4 lyfe i'd definitely try and make a living off of how good i am at rinsing my mouth. spit it out. tbh the water is super gross from all my mouth gunk. looks like chocolate-flavored gatorade with little bits of raisins mixed in. LOL but thats not even the hoax thats just poor hygene.

then i take another rinse. and another. and another. eventualy my dentist is like "uh thats probably enough rinsing." but i dont stop there. i keep using more and more water. "randy thats enough. ur good now." i dont stop. i rinsed for about 10 minutes. it was super uncomfortable.

u no what i wish. i wish my dentist was a nice girl. id ask her to settle down with me in the countryside. i might still hoax her tho LOL (im lonely) :-(

anyway that was the hoax. hope u liked it.