the new ultimate hoax (aka a really nice hoax)

u've probably been wondering where the ol rando slammo (what my friends call me) has been. well u don't have 2 wonder any longer friends, handy randy (what my dad calls me) is BACK..

CRACK CRACK CRACK CRACK

did u hear that? that was the sound of me cracking my nuckles, geting ready 2 lay down a brand new hoax! so here it is:

three months ago i told myself: "yankee randall (what i call myself), enough fiddle faddle, ur next hoax is going to be 1 2 remember."

for 3 months i locked myself in my room, sustaining myself only with quakers chewy bars (the big ones) and strawberry kiwi v8 splash. i had to cut myself off from society.. much to the dismay of my inumerable friends. if ur an artist u understand, if ur not its fine; u will still understand the majority of this hoax :-) also 4 those of u who keep asking me if i like v8 fusion...... i DONT.. stop emailing me

anyway so it was 3 months and then i came up with a sick hoax: put a banana peel on the ground

now i know what ure thinking: randy that's old hat, 20th century, plagiarism even.......... and 2 that......... i say..................................... sometimes u have 2 go back 2 the basics..

so basicaly i went out to a street that had a sidewalk and i had a banana peel from a banana but i didnt eat the banana i just threw it out cuz i only needed the peel. sue me epa. then i put the banana peel on the ground and sat on a nearby bench.

so basicaly im thinking "here it comes randley steemer (other name i call myself)... someone is going to step on the banana peel and slip and fall onto the hard cement ground.... classic." classic.

but thats not what happened. heres what happened: some1 stepped on the banana peel but it wasnt slippery enough so it just stuck to their shoe a little bit. they looked a little upset. then they kept walking. thats when i realized something about hoaxes: sometimes u come up with a great hoax, but then it turns into a DIFFERENT hoax. so even tho this hoax didnt go as planned, it was still a nice hoax in a different way. sometimes i think about giving up this hoaxing life to become a philosopher or indie artist

ok anyway thats all i got 4 today. remember if ure a nice girl MSG ME ASAP i've already put a down payment on a 1-bedroom 2-bathroom house in the countryside........... um. pic4pic...... ok anyway thats all i got :-|

the ultimate hoax (ok maybe not THE ultimate hoax but fairly ultimate)

as u probably know, hoaxing just doesn't put food on the table. back in the day, u could easily make a name 4 urself with enough chutzpah, but now the hoaxing market is saturated with copycats and many modern hoaxers r forced to take up a side job to pay the bills.......

so today i got a job @ the local donut shop. the woman who owns the shop is a friend of my dad's....... guess it pays to have connections, rite?? lol! haha. so i'm fillin out that w4 form (or as i like to call it: the wFOURm!) but theres one small catch...............

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i fill out all the info wrong. like my name, my adres, everything. so i give the papers to the owner and she looks them over and she says "oh is that really ur name??"

i want to say "yup" but i know if i open my mouth all that's coming out is a giggle parade.

so she asks me again since i didnt really give her any sign of afirmation

looks like the gig is up. "ok" i say. "i filled out all the info wrong. like my name, my adres, everything."

she doesn't laugh. i mean, maybe she was just trying to wrap her brain around what just went down (in her defense it was a pretty juicy hoax) but..... idk... she never even acknowledged the humor of the situation. she even made me fill out the paperwork again. some people have no sense of humor. :-/

anyway thx for reading everybody. i really appreciate all the nice letters i get from u guys. makes this crazy life worth living. but, like for any artist, there are bad days too. days where the blank canvas whispers not of potential, but screams failure. haha. really i just want to settle down with a nice girl in the countryside :-|

phone hoax aka phoax (or phoaxne.... i havent decided which i like beter)

le hoax du jour

beofre u say anything, "le hoax du jour" is french for "ur dumb" ... jk (not even three sentences in and i've already hoaxed u)

ok sry hi everyone its me hoax blokes randy, back again with another hOAX!

today i was just chillin in my usual corner (basically theres this stairwell at my school that leads into like a basement area, so sometimes i just go down into the basement and there's like this dark corner that i sit in for hours until the school calls the police to search for me) (<----epic hoax btw)

and im just chillin there when i get a call from a telemarketer. they want to sell me cable service or something... i dont remember (pls stop sending me angry emails about this; my memory was permanently damaged by being exposed to oven cleaner at a young age lol)

so anyway the girl on the phone was like "ok sir do u want to buy <something>"

i'm like "yes lol"

shes like "ok can i have ur credit card number"

i'm like "ok lol here it is: 123456789"

shes like" ok sir.. i dont think thats a real credit card number"

then i hang up LOL

then i redialed to ask her out for like lunch or commit to a long term relationship or something... i dont remember (oven cleaner)

then she hung up DOUBLE LOL

guess i got counterhoax'd..

ok thanks every1 for reading my blog and remembr if ur a nice girl pls msg me (i might hoax u tho ;-/)

cool wallpaper

hey every1 its me hoax bloke randy... i dont normally deviate from the hoaxes on the hoax blokes, but i just gotta clue you all in on this SICK wallpaper... don't believe me??? check it out!!!!! http://images6.alphacoders.com/316/316963.jpg

april fool

happy april fools every1

guess what today is.... april 2nd jk april 1st

as u can probably guess, april fools day is my favorite holiday. ever!!! look i mean... i like chirstmas... i appreciate honuca (although i don't have a firm enough understanding of jewish culture to make that statement with any certainty)... wtf even is labor day. ok so anyway, YES, april fools is my favorite holiday!

today i went to school and basicly pulled the greatest hoax of all time. i put gum under my desk. CHEWED gum. eww gross lol but i did it anyway.

ummm also pls if you know me irl don't tell any teachers. u can actually get a detention for that. i heard one kid got expelled for putting gum under his desk. actually he was expelled bc he brought a gun to detention LOL.

shoutouts to quaker's granola bars (please sponsor me :/) i LOVE quakers granola bars! but what i would really love is to meet a nice girl to settle down in the countryside with. im really lonely. i mean, april fools, right!!? :-/

addresing controversy and v-day shenanigans

hey happy hoaxers it's me MC randall jk it's hoax bloke randy (but for real that would be my dj name if i were a dj... honestly i've thought about making a name for myself in the music biz but u have to realize tht while the internet has made it a lot easier to share ur music w/ the world it has also drastically increased the amount of competition for any given artist AND hurt profitability due to the popularity of free streaming services that offer very little ad revenue lol xd)

today i'm going to post about 2 things: adressing some controversy and sharing what the ol randmeister is doing for valentines day

ok first the controversy. as u know, my hoaxes have been gaining worldwide notoriety. but as they say: with all good things comes bad things. and certain ppl have been geting upset with my relentless hoaxing. internet companies have also started to gang up on me bc my revolutionary no-fees-or-subscriptions-necessary blogging format has posed a serius threat 2 their outdated business models. in fact, wikipedia has gone as far as creating an anti-hoax-blokes page in order to get me removed from the internet (and since we are direct competitors, steal my readers).

what im asking u to do is to PLS STOP using wikipedia. everytime u use wikipedia u are supporting anti-competitive business tactics not unlike when pizza hut starting offering wings (cmon guys ur a pizza place leave pf changs alone). this makes me MAD >:( >:( >:( im not even hoaxing u.

ok and 2 end on a lighter note: my plan for valentines day. :) as u know, hoax bloke randy is a bit of what u'd call a ladys man. im average height, awesome personality, and i dont have any severe allergies which means the possibilities for romantic picnics are literally endless. however 4 some wierd reason ive found myself dateless on this awful stupid dumb holiday that NO ONE SHOULD CARE ABOUT. I HATE VALENTINES DAY. haha jk :/

so anyway instead of being bitter (im not bitter ROFL) i have a dank hoax planned. im going to wait until the day AFTER valentines, and then buy all the chocolate for a DISCOUNT. i guess thats just smart shopping but also technically a hoax if u think about it.

i feel like all the hoaxes... theyre just a disguise for my loneliness. i really just want to settle down with a nice girl in the countryside. haha there i go again. cmon randy. u dont need a woman. she wouldnt understand ur complicated hoax-based lifestyle. haha!

new hoax today

haha just kidding... hoaxd! or whatever.....

sry fam, just wasnt feeling it today